Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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