Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
