I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
