i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
