so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize