I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
