I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Randomize
