we have officially lost it.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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