i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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