I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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