On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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