she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
