420 ftw
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
