I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
