the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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