When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
