I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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