Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think I am morally bankrupt
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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