careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
