I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
