Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
