I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
