remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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