I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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