It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
