also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
