If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
