I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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