oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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