I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
