Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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