i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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