I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
