he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
