I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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