I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
