Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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