i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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