I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize