Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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