2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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