Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
