You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize