I think I died a long time ago.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize