if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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