I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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