Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
