At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
