woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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