so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
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