theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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