she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
