He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize