i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She bit a glass in half.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
