Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
