Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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