Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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