i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
