You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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