Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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