you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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