I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
