Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
