I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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