I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
