I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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