I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
