So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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