i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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