bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My vagina just clenched in fear
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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