There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
